Busy Mom? 5 Tips to Help you maintain a creative hobby
My girls <3
Let me run you through a regular day in my household. My day usually starts around 5:30/6 a.m. with screams from my newborn daughter Opal. Begin nursing round one. My 3-year-old daughter Wren, who’s been up for at least an hour, then busts into the room to demand breakfast and to watch something called Chico Bonbon. I hand off the baby to my husband, drag myself out of bed and make Wren a super nutritious breakfast of oatmeal and berries, with a scrambled egg on the side. J/k, I hand her a bowl of cereal with no milk because we’re out. As soon as I sit down to shove a piece of bread in my mouth, it’s inexplicably time to start nursing again. Of course, by this point, Wren has soured on Chico Bonbon and hates cereal and never wants to see it again. My husband, who works primarily with people on the east coast, then informs me he has to jump on a call and has back to back meetings all day, but he’ll try to help at nap if he can. With one child literally attached to me and the other screaming about how she wants only foods that we don’t have and to watch tv shows I’ve never heard of, my phone dings with email alerts from clients. I look at the clock. It’s 6:45 a.m.
Does this sound familiar? If you’re a parent, especially a mom, of course it does. Maybe you’ve grown out of the toddler/newborn stage, but that is now replaced with after-school activities and now, thanks to COVID, e-learning and maybe even homeschooling. Point is, you are busy and exhausted in a way that you never thought possible before having kids. Don’t get me wrong – having kids was the best thing I ever did. But dammit, are they WORK. Not only that, but as a mom, your identity changes. You go from having a life and friends of your own to feeling like little more than a snack delivery service to a tiny tyrant. An adorable tyrant, but a tyrant none-the-less.
So what should we do about it? Nothing? Should we just fall into the warm embrace of bob haircuts, wine with ice cubes and being known only as Timmy’s mom? Or should we resist, instead allowing ourselves to carve out our own identity separate from our tiny humans? And if we resist, how do we stay awake long enough to make it happen? While I am no sage on “having it all” (I’m currently wearing the same outfit I wore yesterday and the day before, so take that for what it’s worth), I do know a thing or two about the importance of having a creative hobby… and how to make time for it in even the busiest schedule.
Jewelry making is one of those creative hobbies that really lends itself to forming new social connections. Seriously, how many sleepovers did you attend as a kid where making friendship bracelets was on the agenda? You can make it a bit more grown up and replace the embroidery floss with beads and gemstones, and the juice boxes with glasses of vino. My kind of party!
Why You – and Moms in General – Need a Hobby
I’ve written about this before, but it bears repeating: having hobbies and interests beyond your job and family is incredibly important when it comes to shaping your identity. From Psychology Today:
Imagine a rough day at the office, where you were harshly criticized by your boss. Coming home and turning on the TV may provide a brief distraction, but it doesn’t address your damaged ego head-on. Now imagine that after work you head out to your soccer league or pottery class. These activities are more than merely distracting. They remind you that that are many facets to your self-concept. Employee, yes, but also athlete or artist. As such, a blow to one aspect of your identity is less damaging. Simply put, your eggs aren't all in one basket.
While this example refers to a tough day at the office and a difficult boss, replace “office” with “home” and “boss” with “infant/toddler/kid/teen” and it can easily be applied to moms. You saw what my mornings are like, and the rest of the day doesn’t get much easier. There are some days I feel less like a human and more like a machine whose primary directive is to nurse and fetch snacks, and I’m guessing if you’re a parent, you can relate. When I get in those moods, one of the best ways I know how to get out of it is grab a pencil and a notepad and start doodling and brainstorming ideas for new projects. Even if it’s just 5 minutes, it reminds me that I’m more than a mom; I’m also my own person. And even though this person may have to take a backseat during this phase of life, she is still there… and I’m not about to let her go.
Maintaining your identity as your own person isn’t the only benefit of maintaining a hobby as a mom. One thing I really missed after becoming a mom was having adult conversations that weren’t about the tiny humans we created. Hobbies can also help you form new social connections and find new commonalities beyond having kids the same age. Let’s say you enjoy knitting. You mention this to a fellow parent in the bleachers while at the 15th soccer game that weekend, and her eyes light up. So does she! You not only have something new to bond over, but you also have the makings of your very own stitch n’ bitch group. Or maybe playing music is your thing. Joining a jam session meetup or even attending local coffee shop mic nights (a la Phoebe in Friends) will introduce you to new people who share your passion. No matter what it is you like to do, there are a whole bunch of other people around you who do, too. And if you are in need of some adult-only, no kid-talk time, this is a great way to get it.
And then there’s the stress reduction. Engaging in an activity you enjoy can significantly reduce stress, and that can, in turn, improve other areas of your life. And I know what you’re thinking at this point. Kim, this all sounds great. But I legit have no time to myself, and when I do, I just want to veg out in front of Netflix. How, exactly do you propose I make this happen? Magic? Amphetamines? Unsafe levels of caffeine? None of the above, I promise.
By far the biggest barrier to maintaining a creative hobby is time. Or, more specifically, lack thereof. And girl, I GET IT – especially during this COVID craziness. Most days, I’m on childcare duty all day until my husband gets off work, and then I work. By the time my daughters go to bed, it’s usually all I can do to stay awake long enough to shove food into my mouth, let alone do something creative. Even so, I am able to carve out non-work creative time for myself at least once or twice a week. Here are my tips to help you do the same.
Picking the right hobby is key. I tried my hand at ceramics and while it did make me lose track of time (diversion), I would find myself throwing more balls of clay on the floor instead of the wheel. Not my passion, not my hobby… but it could be yours!
Tip #1: Remember that you are not Beyonce.
Okay, there’s this meme that has been going around for years now, and every time I see it, I want to hurl my phone across the room. It says, “You have the same number of hours in the day as Beyonce,” the implication being if she can manage to be a modern-day goddess/mogul, so can you. This is only true if you also have the same resources as Beyonce, like a team of nannies, trainers, chefs, household managers and a home so big you can actually use the restroom by yourself. If you hold yourself to Beyonce standards, you are setting yourself up to fail. Instead, start small and go easy on yourself. Maybe gardening is something you’ve always wanted to try, but right now you don’t have the time to tend to a massive garden. Instead, get a bonsai tree or some kitchen herbs to feed your green thumb.
Tip #2: Pick the right hobby.
Not all hobbies are created equal. If you find you have to force yourself to do a hobby, drop it like a bad habit. Our time is precious – let’s not waste it on things we don’t absolutely love. So what makes a good hobby? According to Michael Brickey, author of Defy Aging, the ideal hobby must serve 3 purposes:
A diversion. It should be totally absorbing and provide you with an escape. It should be the type of activity that makes you lose track of time.
A passion. You should LOVE to do this activity. Not kind of like… LOVE.
The creation of a sense of purpose. You should feel like you’re working toward something, and that what you’re doing matters. And speaking of that…
Tip #3: Pick a project.
My daughter Wren and my niece Ellie in their matching Christmas jammies in 2019. In case you can’t tell, the fabric pattern is llamas donned in Christmas lights and cacti. And yes, I had a BLAST picking that out!
Choosing a goal to work toward or a project to complete can be a huge motivator when it comes to maintaining your hobby. Just like I learned calligraphy for my wedding, I use upcoming events as a chance to carve out some time for my hobbies. Here’s an example. One of my favorite creative hobbies (other than calligraphy, obvi!) is sewing. I’m not great at it, but it checks all three of the hobby boxes for me. Each year a couple months before Christmas, I start planning matching jammies for my daughter and niece (and this year for my newborn daughter, too!). And it’s not just the sewing I enjoy. I love picking out the perfect pattern, shopping for fun and cozy fabrics, putting it all together, and then seeing the looks on the girls faces when they open their matching PJs on Christmas Eve.
Having this goal in mind not only helps keep me motivated, but it also provides me with something else: an excuse. Let me be clear: you don’t NEED an excuse to spend time on yourself. But as moms, there is an immense amount of pressure to be productive. It can feel like there is always something we SHOULD be doing, and this can be a huge barrier to having a hobby. How can we justify making paper crafts when the laundry basket is bursting at the seams? Having a project gives us just the excuse our brains need to make that time for ourselves.
Tip #4: Find a community.
As I mentioned above, one of the benefits of having hobbies is that it grows your community. And while you may not be ready for in-person meet-ups, I highly recommend you at least check out an online community dedicated to your hobby. My favorite hobby communities are on blogs. While they are not a traditional social media community, popular blogs dedicated to hobbies tend to have a cult following with very active commenters, forums, Pinterest pages (the hobbyist’s best friend) and sometimes even Facebook groups (like the Hoopla! Letters Private Online Community for students – just sayin’).
For example, one of my favorite sewing blogs is Tilly & the Buttons. She caters to all sewing levels and her designs are EVERYTHING. I own her books, have sewed many of her patterns and am a major Tilly stan. What’s also great about the blog is the community she has built around it. Real people (including lots of other busy moms!) share their work on Instagram and in regular blog posts, and her Pinterest page is FULL of inspo. This kind of community helps keep me inspired to try new things, and I can be involved without ever leaving home.
Tip #5: Cut yourself some slack.
Note above how I mentioned I start on my Christmas jammies project a couple months before Christmas (read: right around now). To actually sew 3 sets of pajamas doesn’t take that long – but stuff happens. Some weeks, I’ll be able to get a few things done and feel very productive. And then two weeks will go by, and the jammies will look the same. And that’s totally fine.
If you are going the project route (which, again, I can’t recommend enough), it is a good idea to set a deadline to keep you moving and motivated… but don’t make it an impossible deadline. That is to say don’t decide 1 week before your kid’s birthday that you want to learn how to do cake decorating. Set a deadline that is at least a couple months in the future – more, if you’re just starting out – so you don’t set yourself up for stress.
There you have it! My 5 top tips for starting and maintaining a creative hobby when you’re a busy mom. I hope this inspires you to try something new. And if that something new is calligraphy (perhaps your project could be making the most kick-ass holiday card envelopes EVER), ooo girl, I got you. What creative hobbies would you like to try or grow? And as a busy mom, what helps keep YOU motivated? Please let me know in the comments below!